I have had the urge to flee for some time now. Yesterday was the anniversary of my baptism and today is the anniversary of my confirmation. One year ago today I officially joined my Church and this culture and one year is the longest I have ever been in one place with one group of friends. Previous to this my record was 8 and 1/2 months. I get these urges to cut ties and just start over at about 6 months into any given situation. I am having real trouble right now. I really want to leave and start from scratch. Starting over is really rather easy for me. I've done it so much that it's like second nature now, but I seem to mean something to these people. This is really a new experience.
I am pretty sure that no one besides me is even aware that this blog exists so I can finally be completely honest. I am very smart. My IQ is 144 so I have a great ability to reason my way around things and I can read people very well. People tell me things that, according to them, they have never told anybody before. I can make people believe that I am their friend and that I care very deeply for them. This is not usually the case. I have a disturbing habit of changing who I seem to be to suit any situation. In a group of Molly Mormons for example I know all of the right things to say and do and in a group of gay people I can do just the same thing as when I am with the Mormons. I have these abilities and I know that if I wanted to I could take serious advantage of people. Thankfully this holds little appeal for me. My parents did a good job of beating financial honesty into me. (I have to specify because I lie a lot, but I do not steal)
My church has brought great joy and peace into my life, but I am still waiting it seems for the other shoe to drop.
Aside from anything else I will have to stay here for another year at least. I have just signed the lease on my new apartment. I am sharing with two girls from church. I really hope that this goes well. I think that it will because the new place has that indescribable feeling of being home. I have been without that for a while. We start moving furniture in this week. It will be good. I have decided.
