dreams

I've been having the same dream for a while now. Basically it makes me sound like a crazy person, but there is an alien invasion of earth and all of the worthwhile people are taken away and physically perfected. Those who are taken are entered into breeding programs or put to work. Not slavish work, but betterment of the universe sort of work. For whatever reason the aliens decide that I am special so I am put into both. The mate they choose for me is named Gregor and I think he is Romanian. He doesn't speak English and I don't speak Romanian, but the aliens are making everyone learn their language so we get by.
We live in a two story building on the lower floor. The floor above us is occupied by several single men. one of them is extremely creepy. He corners me as I am coming home from work one night and tries to rape me in the hallway, but Gregor hears it and stops him. Nearly kills him. In the dream it is very clear that Gregor isn't supposed to be home, but he came home early to surprise me and, in hits mind we would have a romantic evening together. After the police come and take away the man from upstairs Gregor holds me for a long time and we have sex. The next morning human rebels come and kidnap me to take me back to Earth. I scream and scream and Gregor appears and we go back to Earth together. He doesn't have family to go back to so we are deposited with my parents. Gregor is miserable. Eventually he is approached somehow with the opportunity to return the the alien world on the condition that I come too. At this point I discover that I am pregnant and I don't want to be parted from him so I go too. We are exulted. It's at this point that things get really weird. I suddenly have the ability to read everyone's mind and they refer to me as "first mother." Apparently they are actually from the future and they accidentally came back in time. They need to diversify their gene pool by integrating with a similar civilization or they will die out.
told you. makes me sound crazy :)

trying and failing to be something that i'm not

I try so desperately to convince myself that I'm not like all the other girls, that I don't really want a husband and babies, that those things aren't in the cards for me, but every once in a while something comes along that just stabs at my heart. Today it is a picture of a cowboy holding a baby. the hat obscures his face so if and when i sleep today i can almost guarantee that he will visit my dreams.

Is it better?

A question that has been on my mind lately is, "If I can't find my soul mate is it better to be alone?" I really don't know. I've been on a couple dates sine I posted last and if they are the best there is around I'm seriously considering just accepting the role as the crazy aunt. I would be good at it. I could swoop into town and take the kids on adventures. that would be okay.

on a completely unrelated note we just finishes VBS. I did story time Thursday and Friday. I was told several times that I should become a teacher. A couple of those remarks came from professional teachers so I think i did well.

I have a jealous heart

So I'm beginning to really hate Facebook. I have a lot of friends on there and it seems that they are all getting married and having babies. Here I am alone and every time I see those new pictures my heart hurts a little more. I've been single over a year now and I hate it.

on an unrelated note I've been sleeping much better and my memory has improved a lot. I no longer feel like I'm going crazy. some good news at least right?

slightly scared

I'm starting to see things. Always it's out of the corner of my eye. It's a man's figure sometimes, and a face others. I'm also having trouble when I speak. I'll think one word and say another. The words are always related, but different. Today I was talking to my mother and I was trying to say something about a brother. The word out of my mouth was sister. I didn't catch it, but my mother did. I apparently do when I type too. when I started this paragraph I tried to write figure and face. I actually typed fae and face. What's wrong with me?

New start

I saw Vincent again today. Nothing is going to happen there. I had such hope, but it is time to move on. I've decided to go to California. I don't think I'll be very happy there. There isn't much else for me. Not in Montana at any rate.

Good things

Why must good things come all at once and lead in opposite directions. I'm probably going to go live with my sister in CA to help her take care of her twins when they arrive, but I just got home from the best date I've had in months. It was my first date with Vincent and we went to the Ldssa Ball. It was a great night. and after the Ball we went to his house and watched Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica. When he dropped me off just now I had a kiss good night. I really like him. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow for Montana. I guess I just have to let it be. Trust in the Lord Ect.
:)
It was a great night